Yes! It's nearly Easter! I decided to make this Easter special, but then I had the idea to include some non-Scholastic Plus battles that I've wanted to do forever. Also, my regular battles will return on April 20th.


Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of Scholastic Plus!


Dak Smyth


*Dak runs in with a hunk of cheese.*


VERSUS


Chocolate!


*A chocolate bunny sits on a table.*


Begin!


Dak:

Hey, this cheese is good! Want some? Wait, no.

You're just a hunk of choc'late! I'm the real show!

You're unhealthy! Full of sugar! Cheese is better for you!

Made out of cacao beans? Is that really true?

I can't stand the taste of this sweet in my mouth!

I wouldn't visit your invention! I'll be in the south!

I've travelled through time! Cheese has protein!

You're the most cartoonish rabbit that I've seen!

You're not an Essix poster, so why aren't you rapping?

I'm the best here! Don't you hear my fingers snapping?

I'm Dak Smyth! And you're not even alive!

I've been obsessed with history since I was five!


*Chocolate sits there.*


Dak: Take that! Ha! Well, that was a rather short battle. Anyways...


Announcer: Epic Deductions of the late-19th, early-20th centuries!


Sherlock Holmes


*Holmes and Watson come in on the streets of London.*


VERSUS


Hercule Poirot!


*Poirot and Hastings are on the scent of a mystery.*


Begin!


Holmes:

Ah! Watson! Do you recall that case with Moriarty?


Watson:

Yes, Holmes. It was tough on reality.


Holmes:

You thought that I died! But I faked my death.

I hadn't yet breathed my last breath!


Watson:

Now, Holmes, I presume that this little Belgian man

Couldn't even solve a case! He should work the frying pan!


Holmes:

Your deduction proves correct! I'm much more well-known!

Poirot is a rat who's about to be pwned!

Now, Ms. Hudson, if you could come up please?

I'd like to please have my daily tea.

And of course, I need my violin, too.

I'll play through the night and then beat you!


Poirot:

Ah, mon ami, you must use your gray cells.

But wait, you haven't got any! That's what time tells!

Hey, Hastings?


Hastings: Yes?


Poirot:

You survived in Argentina.

These weirdos couldn't get thought the Santa Maria!


Hastings:

Ah! Yes! That's true! Much less, the big four!

They'd go and trust Sheppard and let him through their door!


Poirot:

Yes, I tricked that fellow! How genius of me!

This Holmes fellow is a monstrosity!

My Belgian roots help me solve my cases!


Hastings: Indeed.


Poirot:

This guy has a hat that nobody needs!

He's self-centered, ignores his brother, and what's more

I make sure justice is served! I'm good down to the core!


Announcer: Epic Military Battles of Television!


Agent Phil Coulson


*Coulson walks into his SHIELD office.*


VERSUS


Brigadier Gordon Alastair Lethbridge-Stewart!


*The Brig and his UNIT army run in.*


Begin!


Coulson:

Stop shooting weird aliens out of the sky!

Get into my plane and actually fly!

I'm Agent Coulson! I came back from the dead!

You have a fake mustache plastered on your head!

I'm the leader of SHIELD and work for what's right!

You killed the Silurians! Don't you lie awake at night?

You got stuck on the Death Zone on Gallifrey!

You killed yetis underground! What do you say?

Tahiti is magical, but that blue box is not!

Did you even wonder what Eleven thought?

You died! He didn't travel back in time to see you!

You're nothing! You haven't we've got a clue!


The Brig:

If so, why would I teach math when I'm retired?

Check with the U.S. Wasn't SHIELD fired?

Agent Ward betrayed you with five rounds rapid!

Why you keep rapping? Stop it! Cap it!

I save the world! You draw strange designs!

You're all alone! I get Geneva on the line!

Met the first seven! Could you do that?

You don't even have an awesomesauce hat!

My name is long, but my resumé is longer!

You'd fail at being a Roman auger!

I'm the Brig!

 

UNIT forces: Yeah!


Brig:

You'll never win!

Agent Carter's plan is really just a sin!


Announcer: Epic Easter Battles of AWESOMESAUCE!


The Easter Bunny


*The Easter Bunny walks in.*


VERSUS


The Energizer Bunny!


*Energizer Bunny holds a battery.*


Begin!


*Music stops.*


Dak: Hold it! Did we just do three battles in one post?


Sherlock Holmes: That would be a reasonable deduction, would it not?


Dak: Then why do we need another? We've already had Santa Claus rap!


Agent Coulson: The kid's got a point.


The Brig: All in agreement?


The Easter Bunny: Wait a minute! I never got a chance to rap!


Dak: I agree. Hey, Mr. Poirot, could you teach me some detective skills?


Hercule Poirot: It is all in the little gray cells, mon ami.


*Suddenly, the Energizer Bunny gets electrocuted, but comes out looking normal.*


Agent Coulson: Well, that was random. And this is droning on. So...


Announcer: Who won? Who's next? You decide!


Epic Rap Battles of Scholastic Plus, Epic Deductions of the late-19th, early-20th centuries, and Epic Military Battles of Television!


Happy Easter, everyone!

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Saber Qahill


 

I am Saber Qahill. I'm 904 years old.

 

I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Katerborus.

 

And I am the dancing master! *Evil laugh.*

 

 

GO DAK!!! BOO CHOCOLATE!!!!

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FrostPi

Unapologetically Queer

they/them

current interests

Portal - Skyrim-Oblivio

Whoo! Great job, Saber! I really don't know how you do this stuff. 

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Hi! I'm Onyxfire, Christian, cellist, pianist, and Queen of Writing. I'm currently:

a) banging around on Minecraft

b) recovering from forum withdrawal

#Pray

"Perfect love casts out fear..." - 1 John 4:18