Regular battle today, nothing fancy (unlike Rollan and Jon Z. ;)) Here's a hint for next week: a Vesper against someone murdered by a Vesper...

Announcer: What's up, everybody?! Announcer in the house, yo! 'Cause it's time fo' dos' EPIC RAP BATTLES OF SCHOLASTIC PLUS!


*Pony looks up from a computer, grins, then goes back to hacking.*


General Teng!

*General Teng looks serious.*


General Teng:

I'm a warrior, son. Learn some tricks from me.

Zhongese crown here. Only royalty you'll see!

I'm a fighter, a warrior. I don't fall from helicopters.

When I show up a battle, the enemies are gonna get softer.

'Cause I'm the best warrior the world has ever seen!

You're a weird geek. My senses are so keen!

I led the rebel troops. You couldn't hack April May!

After I beat you, you'll remember this day!


Digital cowboy, hacking your PC.

'Cause you're about to get beat, man! My genius is the key!

I gave my life when the Cahills were in need.

On the Cambodia mission, my computer was the seed!

Your daughter was the only reason you died!

You didn't give her Nectar. No, you just lied.

I'm the best h-h-hacker anywhere!

Just ask Nellie! Teng, yo gettin' scared.

General Teng:

The general doesn't get scared. But if I did, I'd be better!

I'm a legend, kid! I'm the bestseller!

I'm a rapper, a fighter, and a proud Zhongese guy!

When you try to fight, you just fall out of the sky!

All you do is drink electroshock cherry limeade.

You may be the hearts, but I'm sharp. I'm the spade!

You may think you're better, but as always, you're wrong.

Go! Step one foot into Zhong!


You think you could save Amy in Svalbard?

Your stories are lamer than the Beetle Bard!

I died fighting Pierce! You were a casualty!

I'm a master hacker! Anyone can see!

I was a major factor in the "Cahill Web of Evil!"

No one remembers your name! You didn't make the sequel!

At your death, man, you really got owned!

Digital cowboy out! You just got pwned!

Announcer: Who won? Who's next? You decide!

*Title card appears, glowing.*


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Saber Qahill


I am Saber Qahill. I'm 904 years old.


I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Katerborus.


And I am the dancing master! *Evil laugh.*